From The Summer of Love …

Uruguay vs Peru, June 26th

  • “They’re all stroking theirselves now saying ‘vamanos Peru’.”


Athletic Bilbao vs Levante, June 17th

  • “That fulcrum will be swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other”


Barcelona vs Getafe, May 26th

  • Abbondanzieri has got the invisible shield like Captain Kirk with that starship or whatever it is he flies around in, he had the space shield up there …”
  • “It wouldn’t get any more exciting here now if Elvis himself showed up in a matador’s outfit.”
  • “They’re just like Christians in the old coliseum, they’re just playing around the dead bodies.”

Recreativo Huelva vs Real Madrid, May 20th

  • “Well, that’s a beautiful explanation of it word for word, Phil. I’ll put it one word – Bloody magic.”
  • “Heartbreak turns into sheer delight, orgasmic jubilation, Iker goes ballistic, this goal heavenly, if you doubted this wasn’t destiny believe it now, Roberto Carlos turns from goat to superhero …”
  • “I’ve no more words, I cannot express this because you’re gonna have to invent a new language in English …”


Valencia vs Real Zaragoza, May 13th

  • “The world is his oyster and he’s got pearls for feet.”

Real Madrid vs Espanyol, May 12th

  • “The shocking football that we’ve see on GolTV in the last couple of weeks, there’s something in the air, man, there’s something going on in the universe.”
  • “But they capitalised on it like a big werewolf with a plate of liver in front of it.”
  • “The Argentine delivers for Capello, sending this crowd into orgasm. There’ll be a lot of amore going on in the beds of Real Madrid tonight, let me tell you, and the aftershave will be flowing …”

Getafe vs Barcelona. May 10th

  • “It keeps you a young man, doesn’t it, it’s the game that will keep you living young and you look at these faces, there’ll be a lot of old men in there, there’ll be a lot of grandmothers, and they are getting the thrills of their lives, this is orgasmic stuff by Getafe …”

Real Madrid vs Sevilla, May 6th

  • “Poor, poor header. He attacks it well, he sees it coming all day, he l loses his marker here, barreling in, it’s a good jackknife header …”
  • “This is an absolute flamethrower of a shot with perfection stamped all over it. This is the Koh-i-Noor diamond of strikes …”
  •  “He couldn’t help himself, just had, basically, an orgasm after he scored.”
  • “There should be a Mozart requiem conducted and put together for Guti after this performance.”


Real Sociedad vs Barcelona, May 5th

  • “Again, the surgical stabbing knife of Ronaldinho does the damage, Phil.”
  • “Is this onside? You’re darn tootin’ it’s onside, keep your flag down señor.”
  • “Little Rivas, one-man battleship.”
  • “Gave him a wedgie and he’s still running.”
  • “Tattoo on his tongue, Puyol, it’s all Barcelona crest as well.”

Athletic Bilbao vs Real Madrid, April 29th

  • “The complete article for me … holds it up so well … tremendous player in the air, passes the ball beautifully short over distance … he’s greyhound-quick …. and he scores goals, you can’t ask for much more … plus he’s Dutch which is even bigger benefit.”

Barcelona vs Levante, April 29th

  • “More often than not, you’re coming into the lion’s den, men, you gotta put your shield up and you’ve gotta defend yourself with some long spears.”
  • “I just cannot … fathom … what colour the sky must be like in your world, Phil.”
  • “It’s the confidence of a football team is predicated around not just winning but in able to hit the net.”

Valencia vs Recreativo Huelva, April 28th

  • “Sublime football, streaking in, lifts his beautiful head, sees his beautiful team-mate, this is a beautiful goal.”


Villareal vs Barcelona, April 22

  • “ Barcelona were like a three pound chicken trying to lay a four pound egg …. just constipated in front of goal.”


Valencia vs Sevilla, April 15th

  • “Ah, the blood’s flowing … that’s alright, that should be on the inside of his head of course so that’s not a good sign …”

Racing Santander vs Real Madrid, April 14th

  • “This is Twilight Zone football again, man, there’s all sorts of calamity mistakes going on in both penalty boxes.”
  • “Let’s remember, this Racing team have got fangs in their heads.”
  • “Well he could have took this down and had … he coulda … made paella by the time he … shot this one at goal, look at the space that he gets he’s open in a cow’s field …”
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