Fasten wor seeatbelts! …

Mexico vs Argentina, July 11th

  • ‘It’s Riquelme, man, it’ll always be Riquelme … Heinze jumps up like Rudolf Nureyev, beautiful, stabs it home but it’s Riquelme, man, it looks impossible like pouring a pint of beer into a shot glass, not for Riquelme, magic.”
  • How do you describe magic? How do you describe this? It’s virtually impossible. Roman applauds, the ball’s dished off for Tevez, Tevez is begging for it back, Messi sees, I see you, mate, I don’t need you, watch it, perfect pass by Tevez, Tevez is on for the square ball for the tap in, Lionel says no, I fancy a little bit of Roman in the night. He picks one out of Riquelme’s genius book. Messi produces the rainbow and there’s a pot of gold at the end of it, that is absolutely pure class in a glass.”
  • “A concerto goal by Lionel. Sweet, sweet music ….”
  • “Concert pianist, with his feet.”
  • “The rhapsody of football continues. Even when they’re penalties, they’re painted with a beautiful stroke of genius. It’s framed beautifully by the goal and the Picasso of modern football that sees things in a different dimension to the mere humans. He lives not in the tactical book, not in anything that is painted from A to B, Riquelme doesn’t live there, don’t look for him with the simplicity of football because he’s an expressionist even on his penalty kicks.”
  • “The two heroes that are going to have the showdown like Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp at the OK Corral …”
  • “They were on the same side, weren’t they? Never mind …”
  • “Matador. Look at him, so languid, look at him walking. He’s like a big, beautiful zombie, Riquelme, like a big, beautiful zombie. He just strolls around languid like, like smoke off a cigarette, you know. And then he jump out and just draw your blood.”
  • “Tidal wave, Rubik’s cube football by the albiceleste.”

Uruguay vs Brazil, July 10th

  • “This isn’t Girls Gone Wild, it’s Uruguay Gone Wild. Forlan does beautiful, great streaking hurtful run. Again, beautiful build-up, they were threatening and we were announcing it.”

Argentina vs Peru, July 8th

  • “Here you see him, trickier than a monkey up a monkey tree.”
  • “But it’s an absolute flamethrower from the magic man himself, look at this, it’s an absolutely laser beam … from the Picasso of Argentinian football, Boca Juniors hero, Argentinia god, Roman Riquelme, man, you can bottle him up for a length of time, but then he will hurt you …”
  • “What an absolute scientific goal again, and it’s Riquelme who is the Einstein of it, this is a beautiful move of the highest world-class order, stand up, get out of your sofas and applaud if you’re a football fan because the poets just wrote a sonnet to all of us … look at that ball, are you kidding me? It splits open four white shirts, and little Lionel, look at this again, oh my lord, that is vision personified …”
  • “Get down on your hands and knees and thank us all for giving you the pictures of an absolute artisan of the modern game … he’s Einstein man, he’s from the stars, just love him, anybody who doesn’t see it I really truly feel sorry for you, Phil, really I do.”

Chile vs Brazil, July 7th

  • “Julio Baptista, hotter than South Beach, what a Jalapeño hit this is, fabulous build-up by Brazil, Dunga goes disco, beautiful, steered, spanked shot, kisses the back post …”
  • “Robinho impersonating Robin Hood, gets his arrow out, and he hits the bullseye …”
  • “Josué, as lively as a cheerleader after a big pot of coffee, Cuban coffee, Brazilian coffee …”

Athletic Bilbao vs Levante, June 17th

  • “That fulcrum will be swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other …”

Uruguay vs Peru, June 26th

  • “They’re all stroking theirselves now saying ‘vamanos Peru’.”

Barcelona vs Getafe, May 26th

  • “Abbondanzieri has got the invisible shield like Captain Kirk with that starship or whatever it is he flies around in, he had the space shield up there …”
  • “It wouldn’t get any more exciting here now if Elvis himself showed up in a matador’s outfit.”
  • “They’re just like Christians in the old coliseum, they’re just playing around the dead bodies.”
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Raymond on Riquelme – Argentina vs. Mexico (Copa America ’07).

I now have a footballing stoker! Top class!

  • “Look at him, so languid, look at him walking, he’s like a big beautiful zombie, a big beautiful zombie. Riquelme. He just strolls around languidly like smoke off a cigarette, and then he’ll jump out and just draw your blood”.

Ray’s brilliance was unrelenting during Argentina’s latest Copa run & the quite brilliant tournament in general.

Read on for unbridled merriment & mirth that only The Great Geordie can deliva…

  • “A Cerebral Dictator” (in reference to Riquelme)
  • “Rubik’s Cube Football” (exemplifying Argentina’s footballing prowess)
  • “It’s Squeaky Bum Time” (just prior to Brazil & Uruguay’s semi-final penalty shootout)